Health

Friday update!

361.  Yus.  Completed 75% of my fitness goals in being more active.  Yus.  Able to walk a mile last weekend in about 20 minutes and little to no fatigue walking my semi-hilly route. Double yus. All of that is awesome, absolutely, but on Monday comes the big test.  On Monday I go to the doctor.

I've not had a bad relationship with doctors, I just don't like going to them in general.  The doctor means you're sick.  I learned this through years of no insurance because it was too expensive.  People with "real" jobs got insurance.  I spent most of my young adulthood (by which I mean 18-25) either homeless or working jobs that would not provide insurance in that time.  Largely the same jobs that don't offer insurance now, come to think, only the safety net of the ACA to catch people like I was didn't exist.

Because there was no other option, doctors became a thing which only happened when they absolutely had to.  A doctor meant an emergency room and an emergency room meant debt I could not pay.  I went that route more than once.  I had ulcers as a result of acid reflux caused by sleep apnea.  Those ulcers would sometimes get so bad I couldn't sleep and was vomiting up blood.  If any of it was red, to the emergency room I would go.  Don't want die, right?  And in the process of not dying, I would end up thousands in debt I could never reasonably repay *and* eat *and* pay rent. It was strange to have to decide between items all at the tip of the "needs" pyramid, but that was the world we lived in.

Lived in?  It's the world some want to take us back to. The ACA may not be perfect, but it saves lives and livelihoods.  Had I not been in the situation I was I may not be thinking about doctors as the debt causing, fear causing beings I internally do, despite the fact that every time I go to one, I don't get bad or even unexpected news. "Lose weight, exercise, you should be worried about diabetes despite the fact that your pulse, blood pressure and every other indicator show you're healthy."

My daughter does not fear to go to the doctor the same way I do.  She knows she's covered if something goes horribly wrong, she has far less to worry about.  Having her health needs taken care of allows her to concentrate on other things, like school and art and life, not crippling debt caused by an unexpected trauma. Hell, it wasn't until I got *this* job that I stopped really being worried myself.

But today I *am* worried.  A year and a half ago, I had that scare.  The one that said my health was way off kilter and I was heading into a place I might not survive and those old fears came back.  I was unemployed at the time and the ACA was the only thing between me and disaster.  I signed up. I didn't use it.  I froze.  All of those old fears locked in, and I didn't want to hear bad news. Bad news means hard choices, so I had to learn to make hard choices on another front.

A year and a half gone from that scare and nearing two years from the "ERR" on the scale and I am doing far better.  I can make those hard choices.  I have made hard choices on my health and I have brought it back to the road I need to be on.  On Monday I will go to the doctor.  The doctor may tell me I am in trouble or the doctor may say "keep on keeping on."  My bet?  They'll tel me I should lose some weight, that I should be worried about diabetes and recomend more exercise.  I'll say "361. 95 pounds down, able to walk a mile in 20 minutes and making 75% of my goals moving towards 100%.  Bring on your AC1 tests and your talk of pre-diabetes.  Medicine will only help those goals."

I only hope my daughter, and the millions in positions like hers and far, far worse will be able to say the same.